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the King's Surrender
One day a great King sent his representative to Balananda to invite him to come to the King's palace. Balananda said to the King's representative, "Well, you are coming from one King to another. You must know that I am also a King—in the inner world. Since one King is inviting another King, I feel that I must go. But first I wish to tell you a story."

Balananda asked his disciples who were nearby to come and sit in front of him, as he was going to tell a significant story: Once there was a great spiritual Master who used to meditate for days on end without eating or drinking anything. It happened that on one occasion he got an inner urge to meditate for three days sitting in the middle of a public road. On the second day of his austere discipline, he heard a very loud noise. He opened his eyes and he saw that a big procession honouring a certain King was coming down the road, heading towards him. Three of the King's guards came rushing up to him and said, "Look, look, the King will soon pass by. Leave way for him. Move aside and leave the road free."

The Master said, "Who?"

"The King himself!" the guards replied.

The Master said, "Don't bother me. I am also a King."

The guards threatened him, "We will strike you!"

He said, "How dare you touch me! Just try!" Then the guards looked at his eyes and saw that they were emitting fire. They got frightened and ran to narrate the story to their King.

After he heard the story, the King went up to the Master and said in a mocking manner, "O saint, I understand that you are another King. Please tell me how many soldiers you have."

The spiritual man said, "I don't have any soldiers—not even one."

"How can you be a King without any soldiers?" the King asked.

The saint replied, "I have no enemy to fight against. Why do I need any soldiers?"

Then the King asked, "Tell me, please, where is your house? Where do you live?"

He answered, "The whole world is my house. Why do I need a particular house? All the houses in God's creation belong to me, for God is my Father, my only Father. The father's house the son can legitimately claim. So all the houses of this world are mine. I don't need any special house to live in."

The King now realised that this man was not an ordinary human being. He fell down at the feet of the spiritual Master and begged him for forgiveness. The Master immediately granted him forgiveness and, with a smiling face, moved away from where he had been seated in the middle of the road so that the King's procession could freely move on to its destination.

After hearing the story the King's representative got the point. He was very embarrassed and went and told his King the story. The King was also embarrassed. He went running to Balananda to beg him for forgiveness, and then asked him to initiate him.

After Balananda had initiated him, the King said, "Please tell me how I can rule my kingdom. I am always assailed by fear, doubt, anxiety and worry."

Balananda said, "It is very easy. From now on, let all your possessions remain with you, but feel that they are not yours. They belong to God. God is the sole owner of all the things that you claim to be yours; you are only His manager. He has asked you to manage these things on His behalf, but He is the real owner. You are the false owner. Since the real owner always takes care of His own property, the false owner must surrender to His Will. Pray to God to make you an unconditional instrument of His. In that way you will never be assailed by fear, worry, anxiety and doubt; you will be only a dear instrument of His."

Sri Chinmoy

Quiet Place
"Once a man went off in search of peace, finding his city life too loud and busy. Hoping to find it amidst nature's pristine solitude, he sat down in a relatively quiet spot in the forest and began his contemplation. But he couldn't continue because the sound of a frog croaking irritated his mind. So he got up and moved off to another place. But then all he could hear was the chirping of the crickets. He moved to another spot, but then the sound of the chirping birds started to annoy him. So again, he picked himself up and moved to another area where he built himself a little cottage, and sat inside with all the doors and windows closed, so as not to be disturbed by any noise.

"But then, all of a sudden, all he could hear was the "tick, tick, tick" of his wristwatch. So, he removed his watch and kept it aside. Again he tried to find some peace and quiet, but now, the sound of his heartbeat suddenly felt very loud and distracted him. In this way, the man was never able to find any quiet place.

Real peace and silence is not to be found in the external world. It is a state of mind. It is not the external conditions that we need to overcome. Rather, it is our own minds that we need to control and overcome. If we are at peace internally, any external disturbance will never distract us. Living in the midst of everything, we should learn to gain peace of mind!"

Pumpum
"A man was visiting a mental hospital where the doctor was a close friend of his. The doctor took him around and showed him the patients.

"In one cell a man was sitting on a chair, rocking back and forth while he happily repeated the name, 'Pumpum, Pumpum, Pumpum.,' over and over again.

"The visitor said to the doctor, 'Poor fellow. What is the problem? Who is this Pumpum?'
The doctor replied, 'Pumpum was his beloved. She jilted him and ran away with another man, which is why he went insane.'

"The visitor sighed and went on to visit other patients. As they approached one cell, the visitor was surprised to see another man sitting in his cell hitting his head against the wall, as he uttered the same name, 'Pumpum, Pumpum, Pumpum.'

"The visitor asked the doctor, 'What is this? Has Pumpum something to do with this man, too?'

"The doctor replied, 'Yes, this is the man whom Pumpum finally married.'

"My children, we can never find happiness from the world outside."

AN EVIL DEMON IN THE OLD HOUSE

Once upon a time, there was an old house where the rumors had it that an evil demon often appeared. People were so frightened that no one would dare to be in it. A man claiming himself dauntless said: "I would like to spend a night in this house." So he did.

Upon hearing from the bystander that the house was frequently haunted by an evil demon, another man also wanted to do the same proving himself to be more intrepid than the first one. He tried to enter by pushing the door.

The one who had got into the house first thought the second one to be the demon and blocked the door to his entrance. The second, unable to open the door, thought the first one to be the demon. They first argued and then began to fight until dawn. When finally coming face to face, they realized that they were both mistaken.

Once Wealth and Poverty approached a merchant and introduced themselves as Goddesses. The merchant offered his salutations to both of them and said: "May I know what brings you to my humble tenement?" The Goddess of Wealth said: "We want you to judge and tell us as to who is more beautiful between us two?"

The merchant was in a fix. He knew he was between the devil and the deep sea. If he were to declare wealth as more beautiful than poverty, poverty would curse him. If he were to declare poverty as more beautiful, than wealth, wealth would forsake him. However, he regained his composure and said: "I have great respect for you both. Would you please act according to my instructions? Then only I can judge properly." The Goddesses agreed. He said: "Mother wealth, would you please go to the entrance (gates) and walk into the house? Mother, poverty! Would you please walk from here towards the gates? I can have a good look at you both, from near and far." The two Goddesses did walk as the merchant wished them to. Then the merchant happily declared: "Mother wealth! You appear very beautiful when you enter the house. Mother poverty! You look very beautiful when you leave the house!" The Goddesses appreciated the wit and wisdom of the merchant. The Goddess of wealth happily stayed in his house while the Goddess of poverty cheerfully walked away.

When a serious problem confronts us, if we look within and think calmly, a ray of hope and light will beam forth and show us the way.

Life is a test. It is only a test. If it had been real, you would have been told where to go and what to do.

No, seriously, here are some useful


I suspect you will be surprised at how well you're doing already.
01. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

02. Memorize your favorite poem.

03. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

04. When you say, "I love you", mean it.

05. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

06. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

07. Believe in love at first sight.

08. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

09. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.

12. Talk slowly but think quickly.

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. Call your mom often.

16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

23. Spend some time alone.

24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

26. Read more books and watch less TV.

27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.

28. Trust in God but lock your car.

29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.

30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

31. Read between the lines.

32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

33. Be gentle with the earth.

34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.

35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

36. Mind your own business.

37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.

38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

39. If you make or have a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.

40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.

41. Learn the rules, then break some.

42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

44. Remember that your character is your destiny.

45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace.

The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs to look for:

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

An unmistakeable ability to enjoy each moment.

A loss of interest in judging other people.

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

A loss of interest in conflict.

A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

Frequent attacks of smiling.

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.

An increased susceptibility to the love offered by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

Be Forewarned!!! If you have all or even most of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition may be too far advanced to turn back. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting several of these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk. This condition of inner peace is likely well into its infectious stage.

THE MIRROR IN A VALUABLE CASE

Once upon a time there was a poor and weary man who was always in debt. Insolvent, he hid himself in the wilderness where he found a valuable case full of precious things. A crystal mirror covered them. The poor man was most delighted to see them. He did not hesitate to take them. But he was frightened when he discovered a man's image in the mirror. Twisting his hands, he said, "I thought it was nothing more than on empty case. I wasn't aware of your being in the case. Don't get angry with me!"
***

Once a musician played in the presence of the king who had promised him a thousand coins. Later, he asked the king for the money. The king refused to give it to him and said, "The music you played doesn't make me merry for a long time. Therefore, the money that I intent to give you is also to please you just for a while."


***

Once upon a time, a king's personal attendant risked his life to save the king at the battlefield. The king was so grateful that he gave his lifesaver whatever he wanted. The king asked, "What do you want? Your wishes shall be granted."

The man replied, "Allow me to shave you when you need a shave."

The king said, "If that is what you wish to do, I'll grant it to you."

Such a stupid man is laughed at by the people at large. It would be so much better for the barber to ask for half a country or to become prime minister or minister of State rather than to practice the mean profession. Only a stupid man would do so.

A Life Parable

A Life Parable
From The Immortal by JJ Dewey

"On a certain night Jim, Mike, Ron and Dave died. Shortly thereafter they all found themselves walking on a beaten path. It seemed right to follow the path. Finally they came to a dividing point. One path veered to the left; the other to the right. They stood a moment pondering what to do when suddenly a man in white appeared and gave them instructions.

"Welcome, my friends," he said. "You are approaching your new home and I am here to instruct you as much as is permitted. You notice that there are two paths before you. One of them takes you to Heaven, a place more beautiful than you can imagine. The other takes you to Hell, a land full of darkness, despair and wretched individuals. All I can tell you at this point is that you are to chose a path, but once you reach your destination you cannot turn back. Once you get to Heaven you will stay there or once you get to Hell you will stay there. One more word I can say. Do not be frightened for that reward which you get in the end will be that which you deserve. Go forth confident that if you have led a just life that you will reap as you have sowed. You must proceed one at a time and each walk the path alone."

After saying this the man disappeared. The four were astonished at this somewhat random method of reaching heaven or hell. Finally, they decided that they must go forward and drew straws to determine who would go first.

Jim got the first opportunity and chose the path on the right. He thought that perhaps this would lead to heaven because the "right" is always associated with "good". But as he proceeded he heard the fierce sound of wild animals, clouds seemed to hide the sun and the earth seemed to shake.

He became very frightened and thought, "Maybe I have chosen the wrong path." He turned around and went back to the beginning and told the others of his experience. Then he decided to try the left hand path instead. As he ventured forth on it he saw more ominous signs. He kept wondering how far he could go before he could not turn back and with each step he became more and more frightened until he was forced to retreat back to the beginning.

Seeing that Jim could not make a firm decision as to which path to take Ron and Dave suggested to Mike that he now take his turn. Mike, however, was paralyzed with fear for, according to Jim's story, neither path sounded very heavenly. "I'm going to think about it awhile," he said. "Someone else can take a turn".

It was now Ron's turn and he said, "I'm picking the right-hand path and not turning back." He followed through with his decision and went past the sound of wild animals and through the darkness and storm clouds until one moment he found himself in a place of unspeakable beauty and peace. He assumed he was in Heaven and rested there.

It was now Dave's turn to move onward. Jim said he thought he heard a wild animal eating Ron and a chill of concern spread through them all. Dave was not sure he was making the right decision, for he chose the path to the left. He thought within himself: "No matter what happens I'll go forward on this path and make the best of it."

As he proceeded things went from bad to worse. There were horrific shrieks from wild animals and storm clouds with fierce thunderbolts were everywhere. Still he proceeded until he reached a sign that said "Hell". Behind him the path disappeared and there was no retreat. Before him was a depressing place dark and stormy, full of inhabitants living in run down shacks. The people lived in constant fear of attacks from the animals and also roaming gangs that stole whatever they could get their hands on.

Everywhere he went he was told that this was a land cursed by the devil and that things are going to get worse for all eternity.

Dave thought long and hard within himself. "I promised myself that I would not retreat from this path and make the best of it. I refuse to listen to these voices of doom. Within myself there is no hell and my conscience is clear. So why should there be Hell on the outside?"

From that point on Dave went forth in confidence and taught the people that they did not have to live in the run down shacks and that they could change their circumstances so they would not have to live in fear. He also questioned their belief that the land was cursed by the devil. A handful of people took hope and listened, but the rest were afraid and even looked upon Dave as an enemy fearing he would make things even worse than they were.

Dave gathered the people who would listen. They refused to accept the slum they were given as a final resting place and made blueprints of new beautiful homes. The best land they could find was an uninhabited swamp. They drained it and built their homes and a beautiful city with teeming gardens and landscapes. The gangs did not bother them for the inhabitants supported and protected each other. The wild animals became friends for the people nutured them. Even the dark clouds and storms began to subside and bright sunny days became a common sight.

The people who were against Dave saw what had been accomplised and they took courage and one by one other parts of Hell became transformed into beautiful cities and landscapes. After a period of time there was nothing but beauty and peace as far as the eye could see.

Dave surveyed the now beautiful land and came to the realization: One more thing needs to be done. He walked over to the original entrance and found that old sign which said, "Hell" and tore it down and replaced it with one that said, "Heaven". As he did so another path with a fork in it appeared and so did the man in white. His look caught Dave's eye and he said, "I think you know what you must do."

Dave looked back and said, "I see I must choose again."

"Correct" said the man.

"Before I proceed, can you tell me the fate of the other three?"

The man answered: "Ron is in the city that resembles the place that you have created. He has one regret and that is he wishes that he had a part in creating it. When the desire becomes strong enough he will be given another path to choose and will wind up in a place called "Hell" as you did, and be given an opportunity to build Heaven.

Jim and Mike are still paralyzed with fear, afraid to make a decision. They are the ones who are truly in Hell, yet sooner or later they must proceed onward.

"And what lies ahead for me?" asked Dave.

"The unknown," said the man.

The statement made Dave afraid, yet glad at the same time. And with no hesitation, he proceeded on the path leaning to the right.

Hindu Parable
Lord Krishna wanted to test the wisdom of his kings. One day he summoned a king called Duryodana. Duryodana was well known throughout the land for his cruelty and miserliness, and his subjects lived in terror.

Lord Krishna said to King Duryodana, "I want you to go and travel the world over and find for me one truly good man."

Duryodana replied, "Yes, Lord," and obediently began his search.

He met and spoke with many people, and after much time had passed he returned to Lord Krishna saying, "Lord, I have done as you have asked and searched the world over for one truly good man. He is not to be found. All of them are selfish and wicked. Nowhere is there to be found this good man you seek!"

Lord Krishna sent him away and called another king called Dhammaraja. He was a king well known for his generosity and benevolence and well loved by all his people.

Krishna said to him, "King Dhammaraja, I wish for you to travel the world over and bring to me one truly wicked man." Dhammaraja also obeyed, and on his travels met and spoke with many people.

After much time had passed he returned to Krishna saying, "Lord, I have failed you. There are people who are misguided, people who are misled, people who act in blindness but nowhere could I find one truly evil man. They are all good at heart despite their failings!"

Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain? It lets you know you're not dead yet!

We are the people our parents warned us about.
-- Jimmy Buffett

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others.
-- Groucho Marx

Я люблю читать по русски.
Мне трудно писать по русски. Я пишу комменты со словарем. Пишите, френды мои. Я читаю вас с удовольствием.

Elephant and Flea

Roshi Kapleau agreed to educate a group of psychoanalysts about Zen. After being introduced to the group by the director of the analytic institute, the Roshi quietly sat down upon a cushion placed on the floor. A student entered, prostrated before the master, and then seated himself on another cushion a few feet away, facing his teacher. "What is Zen?" the student asked. The Roshi produced a banana, peeled it, and started eating. "Is that all? Can't you show me anything else?" the student said. "Come closer, please," the master replied. The student moved in and the Roshi waved the remaining portion of the banana before the student's face. The student prostrated, and left.

A second student rose to address the audience. "Do you all understand?" When there was no response, the student added, "You have just witnessed a first-rate demonstration of Zen. Are there any questions?"

After a long silence, someone spoke up. "Roshi, I am not satisfied with your demonstration. You have shown us something that I am not sure I understand. It must be possible to TELL us what Zen is."

"If you must insist on words," the Roshi replied, "then Zen is an elephant copulating with a flea."


Gutei's Finger

Whenever anyone asked him about Zen, the great master Gutei would quietly raise one finger into the air. A boy in the village began to imitate this behavior. Whenever he heard people talking about Gutei's teachings, he would interrupt the discussion and raise his finger. Gutei heard about the boy's mischief. When he saw him in the street, he seized him and cut off his finger. The boy cried and began to run off, but Gutei called out to him. When the boy turned to look, Gutei raised his finger into the air. At that moment the boy became enlightened.

It Will Pass

A student went to his meditation teacher and said, "My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling asleep. It's just horrible!"

"It will pass," the teacher said matter-of-factly.

A week later, the student came back to his teacher. "My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!'

"It will pass," the teacher replied matter-of-factly.
***
Two monks were washing their bowls in the river when they noticed a scorpion that was drowning. One monk immediately scooped it up and set it upon the bank. In the process he was stung. He went back to washing his bowl and again the scorpion fell in. The monk saved the scorpion and was again stung. The other monk asked him, "Friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know it's nature is to sting?"

"Because," the monk replied, "to save it is my nature."

Dreaming

The great Taoist master Chuang Tzu once dreamt that he was a butterfly fluttering here and there. In the dream he had no awareness of his individuality as a person. He was only a butterfly. Suddenly, he awoke and found himself laying there, a person once again. But then he thought to himself, "Was I before a man who dreamt about being a butterfly, or am I now a butterfly who dreams about being a man?"

Nature's Beauty

A priest was in charge of the garden within a famous Zen temple. He had been given the job because he loved the flowers, shrubs, and trees. Next to the temple there was another, smaller temple where there lived a very old Zen master. One day, when the priest was expecting some special guests, he took extra care in tending to the garden. He pulled the weeds, trimmed the shrubs, combed the moss, and spent a long time meticulously raking up and carefully arranging all the dry autumn leaves. As he worked, the old master watched him with interest from across the wall that separated the temples.

When he had finished, the priest stood back to admire his work. "Isn't it beautiful," he called out to the old master. "Yes," replied the old man, "but there is something missing. Help me over this wall and I'll put it right for you."

After hesitating, the priest lifted the old fellow over and set him down. Slowly, the master walked to the tree near the center of the garden, grabbed it by the trunk, and shook it. Leaves showered down all over the garden. "There," said the old man, "you can put me back now."

During a momentous battle, a Japanese general decided to attack even though his army was greatly outnumbered. He was confident they would win, but his men were filled with doubt. On the way to the battle, they stopped at a religious shrine. After praying with the men, the general took out a coin and said, "I shall now toss this coin. If it is heads, we shall win. If tails, we shall lose. Destiny will now reveal itself."

He threw the coin into the air and all watched intently as it landed. It was heads. The soldiers were so overjoyed and filled with confidence that they vigorously attacked the enemy and were victorious. After the battle, a lieutenant remarked to the general, "No one can change destiny."

"Quite right," the general replied as he showed the lieutenant the coin, which had heads on both sides.

***
The Present Moment

A Japanese warrior was captured by his enemies and thrown into prison. That night he was unable to sleep because he feared that the next day he would be interrogated, tortured, and executed. Then the words of his Zen master came to him, "Tomorrow is not real. It is an illusion. The only reality is now." Heeding these words, the warrior became peaceful and fell asleep.

***
Self-Control

One day there was an earthquake that shook the entire Zen temple. Parts of it even collapsed. Many of the monks were terrified. When the earthquake stopped the teacher said, "Now you have had the opportunity to see how a Zen man behaves in a crisis situation. You may have noticed that I did not panic. I was quite aware of what was happening and what to do. I led you all to the kitchen, the strongest part of the temple. It was a good decision, because you see we have all survived without any injuries. However, despite my self-control and composure, I did feel a little bit tense - which you may have deduced from the fact that I drank a large glass of water, something I never do under ordinary circumstances."

One of the monks smiled, but didn't say anything.

"What are you laughing at?" asked the teacher.

"That wasn't water," the monk replied, "it was a large glass of soy sauce."

***
Sounds of Silence

Four monks decided to meditate silently without speaking for two weeks. By nightfall on the first day, the candle began to flicker and then went out. The first monk said, "Oh, no! The candle is out." The second monk said, "Aren't we not suppose to talk?" The third monk said, "Why must you two break the silence?" The fourth monk laughed and said, "Ha! I'm the only one who didn't speak."
***
Tea or Iron

The Zen master Hakuin used to tell his students about an old woman who owned a tea shop in the village. She was skilled in the tea ceremony, Hakuin said, and her understanding of Zen was superb. Many students wondered about this and went to the village themselves to check her out. Whenever the old woman saw them coming, she could tell immediately whether they had come to experience the tea, or to probe her grasp of Zen. Those wanting tea she served graciously. For the others wanting to learn about her Zen knowledge, she hid until they approached her door and then attacked them with a fire poker. Only one out of ten managed to escape her beating.
***
A famous spiritual teacher came to the front door of the King's palace. None of the guards tried to stop him as he entered and made his way to where the King himself was sitting on his throne.

"What do you want?" asked the King, immediately recognizing the visitor.

"I would like a place to sleep in this inn," replied the teacher.

"But this is not an inn," said the King, "It is my palace."

"May I ask who owned this palace before you?"

"My father. He is dead."

"And who owned it before him?"

"My grandfather. He too is dead."

"And this place where people live for a short time and then move on - did I hear you say that it is NOT an inn?"
***
True Self

A distraught man approached the Zen master. "Please, Master, I feel lost, desperate. I don't know who I am. Please, show me my true self!" But the teacher just looked away without responding. The man began to plead and beg, but still the master gave no reply. Finally giving up in frustration, the man turned to leave. At that moment the master called out to him by name. "Yes!" the man said as he spun back around. "There it is!" exclaimed the master.

Walking one evening along a deserted road, Mulla Nasrudin saw in the distance a troop of horsemen coming towards him. His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured, beaten, and sold as a slave or impressed into the army. Nasrudin bolted, and dove into a ditch at the side of the road where he lay on his stomach, quivering with his hands covering.
Puzzled at his strange behavior, the men ‚ friends of Nasrudin, after all ‚ stopped and asked, "What are you doing down there? Can we help?"
"Just because you can ask a question, does not mean that there is a straightforward answer," said Nasrudin, who now realized what had happened. "It all depends on your point of view. If you must know, however: I am here because of you, and you are here because of me."

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. —Oliver Wendell Holmes

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"
He said, "Religious."
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
He said, "Christian."
I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
He said, "Baptist!"
I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
He said, "Baptist Church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
I said, "Die, heretic scum!!", and pushed him off.
—Emo Philips

There was a young lady, quite bright,
Whose speed was far faster than light.
She left one day
In a relative way,
And returned home the previous night! —Anon